Selfish

A man is called selfish not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor's.
Richard Whately


I don't like to acknowledge it, but I am a selfish person. I sometimes over look other peoples needs and focus on my own. Like my husband for example. Sometimes I take for granted his caring and nurturing personality and I trample on it with my selfish behavior. I love my husband very much, but sometimes I forget to stop and take into consideration his feelings and for that I am very sorry. He means the world to me and I would never purposely want him to feel bad or that his thoughts or feelings were ignored and not important.

Martin is an amazing person and I thank God everyday that he wants to be with me and puts up with my sometimes selfish ways. I think we are a perfect match for each other and I want to make sure that I am doing my part in the marriage. Since I am Martin's partner in life, I am partially responsible for his happiness. He deserves to be happy and I am going to do everything in my power to make sure he is.

My goal for the future is to improve this quality about myself. I want to work on becoming less selfish and putting other peoples needs and feelings before my own. Learning to think before I get angry and speak will do me a lot of good. I know it will be difficult at first, but I think eventually I can overcome it and make my life better.

Being a mom...

Martin, Autumn, Hunter and I


Hunter Dean Baldwin 7lbs. 6oz. 21 and a half inches long


When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty



Since today is Mother's day, I thought I would blog about being a mother and how it has changed my life. Now, I am the last person that I would have ever thought would have had kids. I am impatient and selfish and would have never really considered myself nurturing or maternal.

I had Autumn at the age of 19. A little younger than what I ever thought I would have had kids if I had any, but none the less I became a mother at 19. The moment I held her I changed. I know people probably say that a lot, but for me it was true. It was hard to understand how you could love someone so much that you just met.

I've loved every minute of mothering Autumn. It's so full of surprises and rewards. Her and me have been through a lot together at this point and a lot of it I wouldn't have made it through if I hadn't have had her there by my side. She has loved me unconditionally even though I haven't been perfect or made every right decision. She is my sunshine and always will be.

Three weeks ago, Martin and I were proud to add our handsome son Hunter Dean to our family. He is adorable and we are all so proud of him already. I can't wait to see what he has in store for us!

Being a mother is a lot of hard work and you don't get paid for it. It is stressful and sometimes it's super hard to make the right decisions. In everything I do though, my children come first. Everything I do I have to think about how it will effect them. All in all though, I wouldn't give back one stressful day or tear shed.

Getting ready for the future...

Hunter's 3d ultrasound at 22 weeks

Since the last time I posted, a major change happened in our lives. We moved! We are currently still moving, because the lease at our apartment isn't up until March 1st 2011, but we are now currently living in a nice, big, beautiful house! I have waited to move for so long, that I still come home to this amazing house and can't believe I live here. The challenging part now, is putting everything away. Hopefully within the next few weeks though, I will manage to get some kind of order going on here.

We also got one of those 3d ultrasounds done on Hunter right before Christmas. It was awesome! You could see all the details of Hunter's face and see what he was doing. He sucked his thumb, yawned, and stretched. It was all so amazing and adorable to watch. I am so glad that we had the opportunity to do something like that. We didn't have the money to do it with Autumn, because it is kind of pricey, but I recommend it to anyone who can afford it. It is a truly wonderful experience.

Speaking of Hunter, I am 14 weeks away from giving birth. I am really starting to get nervous, but I am also so excited for him to get here. I am just dreading another c-section. They are not the most pleasant things to experience, but I have to do what I have to do, to bring my little baby boy into the world. I am having a baby shower in about a month, so hopefully we get a lot of the stuff we need and don't already have, because there is so much that we still need.

On another note, I finally heard from child support. They finally put a wage garnishment on Josh's wages. So, I should have payment within the next month. It's about time they did something. I haven't ever received a child support payment and it has been a year since the order was enforced. I finally figured out where the deadbeat was working and called child support to let them know and it took awhile for them to verify he was working there and everything, but it will be worth it in the end, if I can get some financial support for Autumn. He has made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to give Autumn any other kind of support, so the least he could do is financially help support her until he either signs over his rights or they are taken from him.

Otherwise though, work is going great and I am really starting to build up a clientele. In the last year, my paychecks have increased by 200 dollars and my tips have doubled and tripled. This is a great thing, because it makes me feel like an awesome stylist. The amount of money you make kind of determines how good of a stylist you are. Sure, you will have slow days and not make much, but overall if you are a good stylist in a good salon, you should be making some money!